Real Happiness

We all cherish happy moment in our life. We do so by either capturing them in digital or saving them safe in our memory so that we can recall those moments in our life and feel happiness by remembering those happy moments. Have you ever wondered what real happiness is?

Have you ever wondered what real happiness is?

We all cherish happy moment in our life. We do so by either capturing them in digital or saving them safe in our memory so that we can recall those moments in our life and feel happiness by remembering those happy moments.

“Mankind are always happy for having been happy, so that if you make them happy now, you make them happy twenty years hence by the memory of it.”

When we all wish to stay happy in our life then why on the earth, we capture happy moments to see or remember them later. When we come across unhappy moments, we wish to cheer ourselves by remembering happy moments of past or dreaming about happy moment in future but in all we still stay unhappy in our present moment.

Is it not possible for us to stay happy all time even when things are not fine?  Or is it a real big mystery, which we cannot solve. Why can’t every day be the best moment in our life where we celebrate and enjoy every moment in our life?

“A man is happy so long as he chooses to be happy and nothing can stop him”. 

Our life is a like a roller coaster like in one moment we are at high enjoying best of what life can offer us while next moment we are very low when life take a little test. What we need to do to find real happiness is to learn to balance our life so that we can enjoy every moment in our life. If we set this as our ultimate goal, we can stay happy forever. We should learn to enjoy sorrow, tough time and dare to face our weakness. When we learn to balance our life, we take our step towards happiness. We can truly enjoy every moment and every thing we do and when we do so we will enjoy real happiness in everything.

How to Relax and Be Happy During Hard Times

How to Relax and Be Happy During Hard Times

By Wil Langford 

Knowing how to relax and be happy, no matter what is happening around you, is a real gift. There have been real life accounts of people who were rich and healthy, who seemed to lead an ideal life, and yet, they were unhappy or sad. On the other hand, there have also been accounts of people whose lives were hard, even painful, and yet, they were happy. How can this be?

The reason for these paradoxes is that happiness and sadness are not determined by circumstances, but by our state of mind. 

That may be one of the greatest gifts of life and each of us may partake of it merely by learning how to focus on things that bring peace, relaxation, happiness. Whatever we focus on will determine our mental, emotional, and even physical state. Of course, there are some limitations, but I have rarely found a person who couldn't be happier or more relaxed.

I learned the value of focusing my mind many years ago when I had to overcome a very big challenge. I had a young family to support and managed to land a job in a shipyard repairing submarines. It was a good job with health benefits and security that I needed for my wife and son. However, I was assigned to the torpedo room and was told that I would be working inside tanks and even inside the long torpedo tubes. I had suffered from pretty severe claustrophobia all my life and had omitted to mention that when I got hired because I was afraid I wouldn't get the job if I brought it up.

For those of you who may never have been on a submarine, particularly a small, fast attack submarine, let me describe it for you. Every square inch of space in a submarine is precious and almost every part has equipment and pipes in the way. Humans are the last piece of equipment to be added and therefore, we have to work around all those pipes, wires, machines, pumps and gear. Worse yet, a torpedo tube is a long metal pipe, like a big gun barrel, with a door on each end. At one end is the torpedo room and at the other end, the ocean. It is cold, dark, and so small you have to crawl in and out. There isn't enough room to turn around in a torpedo tube so if you crawl in headfirst, you are looking at the dark end.

The first day I went into the torpedo room, my boss asked if I was afraid of tight places. I tried to hide my fear and said, "No." He then told me to crawl inside the torpedo tube with an inside micrometer (a measuring device) to measure at certain intervals the entire length of the tube. I was afraid that I would panic once in the tube, but managed to crawl inside with my drop light and micrometer, pen and paper. Then, a thought occurred to me. Maybe if I kept focused on measuring and writing, I wouldn't notice the tight spot or think about a panic attack.

I crawled to the far end of the tube, about 30 feet away, all the while thinking about the job and how to do it. Before I knew it, I was at the far end of the tube. I put the light down and started measuring and writing the measurements on the paper. When I say I focused, I mean I really focused, consequently, I did a great job. Unfortunately for me, I did such a good job that I wound up working in those torpedo tubes day after day, measuring and grinding them back into shape.

I crawled all over those submarines during the next two years, in tighter spots than the torpedo tubes, too. My method was always the same, just focus on what you want to do and do it. The fact that I was also studying meditation and learning how to focus was a great help to me, as well. It was a valuable life lesson about how your surroundings have less to do with your feelings than your attitude and desire. My desire was to provide for my family and myself, even if it meant doing something difficult and fear producing, my attitude was that I could do it if I focused on the job.

It may be the same for you. Focus on what you want in life. I am not talking about material things, but rather, the feelings you want. What thought makes you feel happy? You will only be as happy or sad as you feel and thoughts lead to feelings. While chemical changes in the body and brain do affect our feelings, our thoughts affect the chemicals in our bodies. Every thought that you have is an electro-chemical event in your body and produces polypeptides and hormones that affect how you feel, even your physical health. While clinical depression is a medical condition that does require medical care, for many of us, our thoughts and learning to use them for our own happiness, is all it takes to feel good even when times are bad.

Winning Back Trust

Trust, to me, is a simple matter. It boils down to a pure essence, one that smells nothing like a rat. Trust is being where you’re supposed to be, when you're supposed to be, doing what you said you would do. In that respect, trust is just a series of repeat visits that coincide with the expectations of the truster, such that the truster doesn't have to be breathing down the other guy's neck eight days a week. 




Trust is difficult to gain, but much more easily lost and almost impossible to win back. It can be lost through no fault of your own, such as by miscommunication or by bad timing. Another way to lose it is by getting sloppy and letting the quality of your work slide. Then there's losing trust by intentional deceit, like when Whitey Bulger informed the Feds that Howie Winter was fixing horse races. Imagine Mr. Winter trying to forgive and forget after 10 years in the clink.

A breach of trust is so difficult to forgive because trust is so vital to daily operations, and lifelong partnerships rely on it. But winning back trust is possible with the following methods.

Act early

Once you realize that you have betrayed someone's trust, tell the person yourself before someone else does. Put your hat in your hand, step onto the carpet and pipe up. Put some sugar on it and act humble. If the person you betrayed gets angry, take the tirade with style and make it known that you are taking off the cloak and dagger out of loyalty. In other words, grovel with dignity.  

Be persistent

At first, you will probably be rebuffed by the person you let down. Even if someone says, "You're dead to me now," don't give up right away. If you grew up Catholic like everyone in my neighborhood did, you'll be feeling plenty guilty about your sins. Put that guilt to work by acting penitent. Don't let the last word be spoken in the heat of the moment. Go away for a while, and then come back once the initial anger has worn down -- the edge will be smoother a few days later. Look at all these cafone celebrities, for example. They make asses of themselves, then a week later, I see them smiling on the morning news while I'm trying to enjoy my coffee.  

If you want to work in this town again, own up to your mistake.


Don't make excuses

This is especially important when the problem arose from something beyond your control. Most people have to gamble at times and operate in what my banker calls "the float." The float is when your account doesn't quite have the money you need just yet, but a check is in the mail, and you go ahead and make another deal as if you were solvent. You lie because business sometimes requires it.  

The same thing happens with deliveries and timing. Let's say the bagman arrives much too late with the dough. In the interim, you have to cover the vacuum of missing money using your mouth. Promise confidently to fulfill your original promise. Deals fall through from time to time -- it's a part of life -- but when you have to tell someone that you lied, at least do it with clarity and dignity.

Learn from your mistakes

One reason Al Capone lasted as long as he did is that he surrounded himself with ironclad people who understood the meaning of omerta. If you are cast out to the east of your Eden, don't plunge into self-reflection; rather, learn from your mistake. Let your pride down for a moment so that the lesson gets tattooed in your brain.

Parents tell their kids to learn from others’ mistakes, not from their own. But anyone who has lived beyond the age of 40 can assure you of one thing: Mistakes will be made no matter what your intentions, just like history will repeat itself. Therefore, knowing that life will never be perfect, you should swallow the lesson of what it feels like to lose someone's trust and don't do it again.

Change your behavior

The person you betrayed has no compelling reason to believe your plea unless you show that you have changed. If the problem started because you weren’t paying attention to detail, then become a stickler. Perhaps you were spending more time chasing the girls around the maypole than working, so get back on the bricks every day until your feet hurt.

After a certain age, it becomes difficult to change, but a dire situation requires a new way of thinking. Plenty of guys have checked into Alcoholics Anonymous because they have lost trust. If booze or drugs are the stumbling blocks impeding your progress, figure out how to get out of that cycle.

Fix the process

Policies, traditions and routines are often flawed and prone to failure. If the system you are working in doesn't have the harmony of the planets, take measures to rectify the irregular parts of your business. Make suggestions to your boss about how to avoid having the same thing happen again. Sometimes it's only one trucker who is late; sometimes it's the whole trucking company. Cut the contract, trim the fat or do whatever you must to restore confidence in your end of the business. Rather than passing the buck and finding a cause for your misfortune, rethink the process so that it doesn't happen again.

Start climbing again

Keep your nose to the grindstone and your feet moving. Falling down a few ranks doesn't have to break your mind. A demotion is not the end of the world unless you want to roll over, but that's what goomahs are for. Wake up in the morning and start setting the world on fire -- but not like Frank Notarantonio did.

GET BACK UP THERE

Regardless of how much remorse you feel or how willing you are to change, once people know about your temporary downfall, you will endure a period of sneers and jeers. So be it. In life, you might wash 10,000 windows, but people will only remember the one that you fell through. Self-doubt may eat at you, but if you work hard to prove yourself, the wisecracks will eventually stop. The betrayal will be forgotten by those knuckleheads, and the person you betrayed will begin to notice that you aren't such a deadbeat after all.

Feel in a Rut? Jump Out!

Feel in a Rut? Jump Out!

IN A RUT GET OUT

You in a bad mood? You upset because you missed the latest episode of Prison Break and want to know if Schofield was able to hot wire a turbine engine with the metal implants in his fillings?. Well, here are some tips to help you to get your butt in gear!


1. GO ON A QUICK JOG AROUND THE BLOCK

Remember your grandma always used to say, “Johnny, get out of the house!” Well, this time and probably only this time. She was right. Sometimes all we need is a little motion and like that our emotion will change. What I like to do is go on a quick jog around the block. I grab my iPod and blast my favorite song as I run as fast I can. Some may say that you should warm-up first, and they're probably right, but when you feel bad you're not thinking about warming up =)

2. GO ON A WALK AND RELAX

Not the running type. Old college football injuries? Crazy Ex-girlfriend injuries? Whatever your story. You can still go on a walk and get some benefits. Another reason is that when you feel bad you start to anchor locations to certain states of mind. (We have Pavlov and his dogs to thank for that!)

3. SMILE

And smile for real, not the cheap smile you give to your girlfriend's dad. Studies at UC Berkley showed that when they took depressed patients and just had them smile for five minutes a day, that after thirty days they reported feeling better. Give it a shot and even if it doesn't work, at least you'll have a cool cheesy smile, like that used car salesman that you bought that Winnebago from. That's cool!

4. BREATHE

Pregnant chics practice breathing, and it helps them to deliver a baby! Imagine if you did it yourself! Follow this ratio! Breath in for a count for four, hold for a count of four, and exhale for a count of four. Why a count of four? Because it's easy to keep track of! Enjoy and before long you'll be instructing Lamaze classes!

The Simple Life

“Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.“
~ Confucius

Don’t you just love the excitement you feel after coming home with a new TV? Driving home in a new car? Opening the box on a new pair of shoes?
I sure do. But, from watching the behavior of myself and my friends I’ve found that the new quickly becomes just another item. The excitement of novelty passes quickly.
As we become wealthier, people seem to be adding more and more things to our homes. We then use our homes, and our treasures, to justify that we have won the game of life.

Growing up in a family of pack-rats, I spent many years in my teens and early twenties accumulating stuff. During this time, much of my self-worth was unconsciously associated with the amount of stuff I owned; the brand names, and the latest trends. I spent a lot of money on clothes and stuff that made me feel ‘superior’. They gave me a sense of identity. If I just removed these things without awareness, my ego would have suffered. I had grown so attached to that definition of myself, that my loss would have been much deeper than just the cute sweater.

Not only did I not find myself in all this, I’ve also accumulated a lot of clutter in my living space and my inner space. Ironically, the piles of stuff actually held me back from understanding and inner peace with myself.
We are so eager to fill our homes, yet so disinterested in cleaning it out. As a result, we now require larger spaces, more storage space, and more clutter for the mind. Did you know that there are more self-storage facilities in North America than there are McDonald’s restaurants? We find it difficult to reduce the amount of stuff we own is due to our attachment to these things.Is Less Really More?

The joy and art of having less while enjoying more of  life can be summed up, as follows.
The Zen of Space – There is beauty in space, but we fail to recognize it because we can’t see through the stuff we own. When we open up physical space in our environment, a tremendous feeling of peace can dwell within us. This is the principle behind Japanese style homes. Beauty in small spaces is the appreciation of minimalism, where less truly is more. We need to understand that space is to be enjoyed, not filled.
Conserved Energy – Fewer belongings means we have fewer possessions to worry about.

I once knew a wealthy young man, who had anything he dreamt of. He had so many expensive things, and he was so afraid of losing them. Much of his energy was devoted to protecting his possessions and trophies.
Free Your Space – When we are reminded of something we own but never use, we can impose self-inflicted guilt for leaving it unused.
For example, my mother owns a several exercise machines which are rarely used. Each time she sees them, she forces herself to feel guilty. Her guilt eats away at her inner, mental space. Our outer world is a reflection of our inner world. By cleaning out and simplifying our outer space, our inner space will open up like a flower.

Appreciation - The less we have, the more attention we can give those things we own and truly need on a regular basis. Appreciation is the seed for abundance; abundance of the mind and the soul. It’s pretty amazing how little we actually need. When we clear our homes and our lives down to the essentials, we are able to better enjoy that which we do have.
Nothing external to us can give us permanent and true happiness. We actually have all we need to be truly happy within us.

The art of having less but enjoying our lives more, involves a few simple changes in perspective. First, we must understand where our true values lie and focus on them. Then, we must take time to enjoy the simple things, and slow down and see what’s right in front of us.

Why You, Me Or Anyone Can Become A Millionaire

The Importance Of Learning About Success

• Anyone can learn the principles of success.
• The biggest barriers to success are in your mind!
• High Self Esteem is crucial in achieving success.

A Desire To Learn About Success

Did you know that in America someone becomes a millionaire every 10 minutes? 80% of these are self made millionaires, many of whom never went to college, came from a poor family or were non English speaking immigrants.
Studying successful people such as millionaires has taught me that success is a skill. It can be learnt by anyone, and is not necessarily constrained by an individuals level of education or social status.
It’s only requirement is perseverance and a desire to learn about success. This is the real secret to success.

Why Study Success?

For every skill we acquire in life we must first learn how to do it, success is no exception. For example, when you first learned how to drive what did you do?
You learned a new skill (driving) from someone who already possessed that skill and was successful at it. In short, you learned how to do something from someone who knew how.

But what do you think would happen if you decided to learn how to drive by yourself, without instruction? Chances are you would crash and have an accident.
The same is true in life. People who learn the principles of success get to their destination, those who do not, crash along the way.

The Barriers To Success Are In Your Mind!

A long time ago people believed the Earth was flat, and would not sail too far into the distance for fear of failing off the ends of the Earth.

However when it was finally accepted that the Earth was round, people soon set sail to explore new and distant lands.
The flat Earth story shows how beliefs can present us with either our biggest barrier or new horizons, and that in order to go somewhere we must first believe it is possible.

Low Self Esteem

Virtually all human failure comes down to low self esteem. These people believe they are not valuable or important, and limit themselves by becoming overly concerned with what others think of them.
They are afraid of failure and feel it will reflect badly upon them. As a result they prefer to take few risks.

Climb The Ladder Of Success

Successful people have high levels of confidence and self esteem, they believe they are valuable, worthwhile and important individuals.
This state of mind therefore enables them to focus on what they want to achieve, without fear of failure or concern for the approval of others.

As a result these people often soar to success, simply because they believe in themselves and are able to persist when things get tough.
So what we learn from these people is that success really begins in the mind. It is a skill that can be learnt and is greatly influenced by your beliefs.
If you enjoyed this article or website please tell someone about it!

Verbal Communication Skill Secrets for Success at Work and at Home

To be able to communicate verbally, even if that "verbal" is with sign language for people who are hearing impaired, is vitally important. Without good verbal communication skill, getting by in life would be virtually impossible. Every day, in so many ways, we use those skills.

When you go into work, verbal skills are really needed. To talk on the phone with clients, to give orders to your subordinates, or to deal with your boss; you have to speak to them. And, just talking is not enough. If you are trying to get a raise from your boss, or to explain a mistake, you need to speak eloquently and convincingly. When dealing with your staff, sometime you have to give encouragement, and other times you have to give them a verbal kick to motivate them.

If you are trying to win a new client for the firm, you have to be able to show them what your company has to offer. Now, sometimes visual aids help, but what if you are on the phone? Then, it can be merely the strength of your voice and the power of your arguments that wins them over. Conversely, if you speak with a current client who is unhappy, then your voice, your tone, and your words are all that stands between them going or staying. Your verbal communication skill will really need to be at peak performance then.

In a crisis, often our words are all we have. If you should (perish the thought) find yourself on a wrecked train or plane, and people are screaming and upset; your words may be the only thing that can calm them enough for you all to escape. There is that old saying: "Freedom of speech does not mean you are free to scream 'Fire!' in a crowded theater". Well, think about it, even if the building really is on fire, should you scream that out? Carefully chosen words can help people to stay calm and get out safely.

Along those same lines, there are legal matters. Still today we have the tradition, coming down to us from the Middle Ages, of going to court for a hearing. We swear to tell the truth, and give testimony. If you should find yourself in court on a legal matter, whether it be a civil suit or a criminal trial, the power of your words alone will be all you have. Trying to convince a jury that you are innocent by merely screaming: "I didn't do it, I didn't do it!" over and over is not going to carry much weight. You must speak clearly and succinctly, and guide them to see the truth of your words. It was with good reason that public speaking and rhetoric were part of the classic education system.

In our personal lives, verbal communication skill is a vital means of sustaining relationships. You have to be able to talk to those you love and care about. Without that, your relationships will wither and die. How many times have you seen couple who seem to argue about everything: politics, religion, movies, you name it? Yet, they stay together. Agreeing on things is not the key to a strong relationship.

It is mutual respect and communication. So long as you can talk, so long as the lines of communication stay open, your relationship has a chance of staying alive. The same goes for family members. How many brothers / sisters / cousins etc. are you on good relations with? Odds are, it is the ones you talk to the most. Again, even if you do not agree on things, if you at least talk, the relationship will be all the stronger for it. You need good verbal communication skill for that.

In our everyday lives, we communicate all the time with the people we encounter. We talk to co-workers, we interact with our bosses and the people who hire us. We talk to our spouse and loved ones. So, it's no wonder that verbal communication skill is important to us.

How To Dramatically Improve Your Daily Communications?

Does this ever happen to you? Feeling shy or lacking self confidence to make conversation with strangers.
It can be a tough task for any one to make a better conversation with anyone, especially when you are quite strange to that particular person.

In addition to this, if you possess an introvert personality or lack in self confidence, then it becomes much more difficult for you to get along with people in certain special events like social gatherings or any parties.
So, it is very important for you to learn how to flourish well and also improve yourself to become more confident in conversing effectively.

Secret of assertive conversation!

The secret of communicating confidently and contentedly can be mainly enhanced with three easy principles. These fundamental principles mainly include:

• It would be much better for you to be more interested rather than being interesting.
• There can be nothing as flattering as attaining complete attention from other individual.
• Most of the people love to talk about their most wanted issue, which is about them only.

Try to keep these three important principles in your mind, which can help you greatly while you converse with a strange person.

Effective ways to converse!

Your ability to converse effectively with those you meet plays a vital role in your entire personal as well as professional relationships.
So, here are effective ways to start a great conversation with strange individuals.  Try to follow these simple things and enjoy the success of speaking effectively.

• To make an extraordinary conversation, first of all you must be interesting to others. So, try to keep yourself updated about genuine current issues and try to maintain a better mental list of all good topics of discussions, which can be helpful for you to break the ice.
• Despite of focusing on how comfortable you would feel, try to organize yourself with your utmost interested issues and which you would like to confer about that particular issue. This little preparation can take you a long way and enables you to converse easily.
• Try to be more patient and make an attempt to be a good listener, while initiating a conversation. After initiation, try to listen closely to other person’s reply. Alternatively, between talking and listening, try to respond appropriately and try to add genuine comments to their version of conversation.
• However, even if it is an extremely difficult task for you, try to greet every one those you come across with a warm smile and try to maintain a perfect eye contact with the people. You can find this as a tough task initially, but once if you are successful in developing self-confidence, it doesn’t matter for you.

Developing proper self-confidence plays a vital role while learning to communicate and to converse effectively with people.
So, try to learn how to start a better conversation with strangers. It is just a simple process of improving your social skills, until you become habituated for better start of conversing.

The Importance Of Being A Good Listener

In order to achieve good communication, one has to be a good listener as well.

There are several tried and tested methods that one can try if one wished to improve one’s listening skills.
Here are some tips

1. You must learn to focus on the speaker first. When you are able to achieve this, then you will automatically be able to focus on what he is saying as well, so that you are able to listen to him and comprehend the essence of what he is trying to say to you.

2. You must acknowledge the other person when he is talking to you. This may be a small nod, or an expression like ‘uh-huh’ at regular intervals through the conversation, so that the other person knows that you are actually listening to him, and also understanding what he is saying to you.

3. If you feel your attention wandering, you could bring yourself back down to earth by asking a relevant question at regular intervals.

You could ask the other person to clarify a point, or ask him to repeat a point. This will indicate to him your interest in his comments.

4. Try to improve your body language. You could start by learning to practice facing the person who is talking to you, and also maintaining regular eye contact with him.

Remember; even if you pretend to be the best listener on earth, your body language will definitely give you away.

5. Similarly, learn to study the other person’s body language. You could for a start try to put yourself into his shoes and think, “How would I feel if I were in his position?” This will automatically create an air of empathy about you, and people will automatically start to respond better to you.

6. Never take any one for granted, and never ever make the mistake of interrupting when someone is talking to you.

Try to think of yourself in the same position: how would you like it if someone were to cut you off mindlessly in mid sentence, even if you happened to be talking about something extremely important.

7. Avoid getting into an argument when the other person is still talking. Similarly, don’t offer advice when it is simply not needed.

Also, do not judge the other person. Simply listen to him, and you will be able to learn how to be an effective communicator in business as well as in your personal life.

How to Overcome Obstacles to Meeting Your Business Goals

The start of the new year is a wonderful to time to create your new goals for the year. Most likely your in-box is filled with a plethora of announcements of workshops, classes and help around goal setting. This is all good, and I am a strong supporter of strategic planning myself. However, I think the easy part is planning and writing down your goals.
It’s similar to planning a vacation. You know where you want to go and you can picture yourself laying on the beach in the sun and enjoying the rewards of getting there, feeling free and successful. All your planning helped make it happen.

But the hard part for me is overcoming the obstacles that keep me from getting there. I know exactly what I want to accomplish in my business this year, but just knowing that doesn’t make it happen. In fact, overcoming the obstacles becomes the real work and the real success.

I can write down my goals, see them on paper, create a picture of it in my mind and then it becomes a huge leap to get there. I have to face all kinds of inner demons; fears around money and self doubts, not knowing how, and on and on.

There are then only two choices. Either stay safely where I am or face the fears and go for it. Here are a few questions that will help to take the fear out of the process. Insight is always an excellent first step.

1. If you can imagine yourself and your business at the end of 2009, what do you want it to look like and where do you want it to be?
2. What needs to happen in order for that to happen?
3. What obstacles might be in the way of you reaching those goals?
4. What do you need to do to overcome those obstacles?
5. What support do you need to be successful in getting past the obstacles?
6. Are you willing to do whatever it takes to create the business you want?

How to Overcome Obstacles

Some people allow obstacles to stop them in their tracks. Some people permit obstacles to defeat them. But there are others who choose to use obstacles as stepping stones.

Life is not fair. Sometimes there are bumps in the road. Sometimes there are obstacles and roadblocks. Life is not without challenges for everyone. But, it is how we respond to the obstacles we face that determines where our lives go.

Perhaps you've heard someone say that obstacles are life's way of challenging you to improve your own life along the journey. But, honestly, hearing something like that, when you are in the midst of a challenge, doesn't help you or encourage you.

Here are three keys to overcoming obstacles. They are certainly not the only keys, but I really believe they are three of the most important keys in overcoming obstacles in your life.

The biggest key in overcoming any obstacle is to first get convinced that there must be a solution. You may not know what that solution is at the moment, but if you will take that course of thinking, in other words, being solution minded, you are on your way to overcoming the obstacle.

There is no greater recipe for discouragement than for a person to get convinced that there is no solution; no way out. Many times we face what appears at first to be insurmountable. If we accept that, instead of believing that there must be a solution, we will not overcome that obstacle.

The second is to refuse to feel sorry for yourself. Responses of self pity, like, "Why me?" and, "Why now?" do nothing to help you to find a solution. Self pity is a dangerous habit to get into. Constantly feeling sorry for yourself has some very negative effects.

John Gardner wrote, "Self-pity is easily the most destructive of the non-pharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality."

Ask yourself if you honestly believe that you are the only one who has ever faced an obstacle, or two, or three. It is part of life. And, getting into the habit of overcoming obstacles will not only be very advantageous when facing new obstacles, but it will direct your life away from unnecessary obstacles.

Yes, there are those who quite literally do invite more obstacles into their lives. People who consistently voice, "Why me?" and, "I never get a break" and, "Why does this always happen to me," are actually inviting more obstacles into their lives. We truly do manifest on the outside what is happening on the inside.

If self pity and feeling sorry for yourself has become a habit, then you must make a conscious effort to stop that kind of thinking. Focusing on finding a solution will greatly help you to get rid of self pity.

The third key is simple. If you can't on your own figure out how to overcome the obstacle, then ask for help. Keep in mind that there is a big difference in asking for help and whining, complaining and looking for sympathy. Sympathy is not a solution.

If you are going to ask someone for help, then ask someone you trust and believe in. Ask someone who you know is not going to feel sorry for you, but rather will help you with some sound advice.

Praying is asking; look above to God for help and advice and asking Him to bring to you whatever it is you need to overcome the obstacle that you are facing today.

It sounds simple, and it really is. These three keys can help you to overcome any obstacle. Remember, there must be a solution, don't feel sorry for yourself, and if you need help, then ask for it.

Secrets of Success

These secrets of success make people's dreams come true


Want to know the secrets of success? Here they are.

The staff of Investor's Business Daily has made it their business to track and analyze successful people across all walks of life.

Over the years, they discovered that most successful people have 10 traits in common. And that these 10 traits -- together -- help successful people meet their goals and turn dreams into reality.

How many of these 10 secrets of success do you practice?

1. How you think is everything. Remember to “think positive” at every opportunity. Visualize success, not failure. Avoid negative environments and people.

You are what you think. In fact, a study shows that positive thinking actually increases longevity.

2. Decide on your dreams and goals. Be specific about your goals. For example, say “I am taking a cooking class next month,” rather than “I would like to take a cooking class sometime.” Create a plan to reach your goals, and stick to it.

3. Take action. Goals alone have no meaning; you need to take action to make them real. Don’t let fear hold you back. "Just do it."

4. Never stop learning. Take classes, go back to school, read books, join a discussion group. If you are interested in a subject, make time to learn about it. Keep acquiring new skills.


5. Be persistent and work hard. You’ve probably heard the expression, “success is a marathon, not a sprint.” Keep your eye on the goal, and keep working toward it. Don’t give up.

6. Learn to analyze details. Get all the facts, and ask for input. This will help you make wiser decisions. Acknowledge your mistakes, but don’t beat yourself up. Learn from your mistakes.

7. Focus your time and money. When you believe in something, put your attention and energy there. Don’t let people or things distract you.

8. Don’t be afraid to innovate; be different. Be true to yourself, and have your own ideas. Following the crowd is a path to mediocrity.

9. Communicate with people effectively. Remember that no person is an island. Communicate your thoughts and desires honestly, and encourage others to communicate honestly with you. Practice understanding and motivating other people.

10. Be honest and dependable; take responsibility for what you do. Never cheat or lie. When you make a promise, keep it. When you screw up, admit it.

honesty, dependability and responsibility, the other nine secrets of success don’t add up to much.

Good example of people that coped well with mistakes, failure and embarrassment..

Good example of people that coped well with mistakes, failure and embarrassment..

Failure VS Success

Confronting the Fear of Failure

Failure is one of the "dirtiest" words in our society — including all the four letter words. Many people would rather be odd, hostile, overworked or many other "terrible" things than be seen as a failure. With the tremendous stress we place on success, this isn't surprising. After all, successful people are winners aren't they?

People feel sorry for losers and no one wants to be pitied. At the same time, we are constantly bombarded with truisms to make us feel better after an apparent failure. These are phrases like, "We learn from our mistakes, you can't win them all, everybody's wrong sometimes" — but these don't really help.


The Myth of Positive Thinking

People tend to use the phrase, "Think positive" as not thinking at all about what can go wrong. This kind of attitude usually leads to more failures, because people are lulled into a sense of security and fail to see the pitfalls in front of them.

People need to learn how to fail. Everyone does fail at some time, but it is a major problem only if they let one failure defeat them altogether or if it keeps them from attempting new ventures.


 Failing Well

How many people can lose a big business deal and say, "That was great. I learned something from it and am better for it." Unless we can say it - and really mean it - we probably weren't learning that much from the experience.

It may come as a surprise to hear that truly successful people not only have failed, but also are good at failing. Studies have found that we may have been lucky if we were forced to fail. One might even say that a key to success is learning to fail well.

A professional sports team is a good example. Losing not only doesn't permanently defeat them; they usually profit by that loss and learn to accept it. This doesn't mean they stop trying. Many people consider themselves failures when they really have just quit trying. We cannot "cop out" on our problems, because copping out can only leave us feeling inadequate.


What Are We Afraid Of?
To analyze the reasons why we feel pressure or anxiety about failure, we have to understand that it is the fear of failure that hurts far more than the failure itself. Actually, it is the fear of not being sure what will happen. Most of us can learn to accept and deal with the worst if we really know what's coming. We may not like it or look forward to it, but we can handle it. Not knowing is a different story. It creates anxiety, vacillation and a very gut level desire to escape the whole problem. Each of us is different in the things we fear, and to analyze the reasons we are pressured by the fear of failure we have to find out what kinds of failure bother us. There are many kinds of motivations, values and goals and ways we might not live up to our expectation. A few common fears might serve as examples.


Blowing Up Problems Out Of Proportion

We don't take it very literally when a teenage says, "If such and such happened, I'd just die," but the fear is a real one. It basically says that we need a certain amount of "something" to make life worth living. It might be the need to be admired, appreciated, or just accepted by others. But, we have to do certain things to be held in esteem by others.

Being accepted, for instance, implies that there are some general rules or norms to be followed. If we try to take these rules automatically as a right way to be, we won't be able to live up to all of them and we will continually feel inadequate.

Setting Unrealistic Expectations

Another fear centers on the need to be unique in some way — a need to be better than others. It is extremely unlikely that any one person can be better than all the other 6 billion people in the world in anything. If we feel we have to be better than somebody else, rather than just being the best we can, we are doomed to be a constant failure until the day we die. It is also a good point to remember that, even if we made it to the top, it wouldn’t be long before someone else came along who would better us.

Other common fears in this category include the fear of losing or of being beaten by the guy in the next office or the next sales call, the fear of being rejected, the fear of being controlled or hemmed in. There are many others, of course, each as potent to those who feel them as the next.


Strategies to Overcome Pressure and Beat the Fear of Failure

The question is often asked of psychologists, "I can see why I feel the pressure, but what can I do about it?" And usually the person thinks he's being kidded when the answer is, "Tell someone all about it and then use your imagination."

Basically two things happen when we begin to feel pressured. We get anxious or nervous and tighten up, and we begin to rely on our defense and escape mechanisms. Some of these mechanisms are: getting a lot of sleep but still feeling tired, coming home at night and getting lost in the TV or newspaper, or a hundred others.

Dealing with Symptoms Rather than Causes

The result of these mechanisms is that we begin to lose sight of the issues or problems by trying to put them out of our minds so they don't worry us so much. As the problems become vague, solutions become more improbable, and, unconsciously, that makes us more anxious. This is not a weakness. Biologically we are programmed to either fight or run in a pressure situation, just the way animals are. We are also programmed this way psychologically. We all tend to find excuses to justify our behavior before it happens and this is our way of running. Frequently, we try to rationalize behavior after it happens and this is how we fight back.

Healthy Failure
Reducing the pressure requires that we break the mental set that "success is equal to right and therefore equal to good, while failure is equal to wrong and, as such, is bad." We have to learn to accept failure as a normal healthy part of life. We all fail sometimes, and if we can learn to bend rather than break under the pressure of failure, we are much better off.

In order to reduce the pressure and make us feel better, it is vital to reduce the fear of the problem by bringing everything out in the open — and not only the facts of the problem, but also our feelings about it. Go ahead and let the feelings out - it is a healthy reaction and one calculated to relieve stress.

We Used to Call it Shell Shock

During WWII, the Allies found out that wounded Russian Soldiers were not suffering from "shell shock" in hospitals as much as American soldiers were. The Russians insisted on keeping even wounded men on the lines, and there were far fewer long-term problems, because the men were forced to face their fears and get past them rather than run away from them.

Once we face the realities of the problem, we can bring our imagination into play. We can imagine what the worst outcomes of the problem could be, and then think of alternatives open to us. Once a person realizes the worst and can develop alternatives, he is relieved of much of the terrible pressure of uncertainty.

Copping Out

Of vital importance, also, is not giving up. A good illustration of this is a salesman who knows that for every sale he makes, he will get ten rejections. If he starts his day with a rejection, he can say, "I'm probably not going to be able to do anything today, so I might as well knock off," or he can say, "One down, only nine to go until I make my sale." The latter will keep him on the job longer with a much more satisfying feeling and better sales.


The Basic Steps in Summary

1. Talk about it — with somebody who will listen and be neutral. Get it out — facts and feelings.

2. Imagine trying to overcome the problem and falling short of the goal (failing); then figure what the worst consequences would be and what could be done about them. Thus, if the worst does happen, you're at least prepared and if it doesn't, then you're relieved and probably pleasantly surprised.

3. We can give ourselves extra chances. An illustration of this might be the baseball team whose slogan is, "Wait till next year." Eventually their continued effort will pay off.

4. Have something to fall back on. For many people, religion is a back-up. They turn to it when they do fail, in order to ask for help. Other people develop strong personal relationships to fall back on realizing that a person can't do everything himself.

5. Most powerful of all - take the chance and face it. There is nothing better to reduce the fear of failure than having it happen and knowing what it can and can't do. We must face it, live through it and prove to ourselves we can survive it.

How to Cope With Arrogant People

Arrogant people seem to think that they know everything and they can really get on your nerves. This is an approach to coping with them.
  
Steps

1. Assess the situation. Why do you feel that a person is being arrogant? Have they been condescending to you or have they never spoken to you? If there has not been an incident that showed you this person feels superior to you, don't assume he or she is arrogant too quickly. You might wrong him or her.

2. Know that arrogant people are really quite insecure. They seek to dominate and control because they are afraid of being dominated and controlled.

3. Enter an encounter with an arrogant person with the strong and confident realization that you are well and strong. There is nothing they can say or do that can undermine you. Your sense of confidence and self-worth will prohibit you from being vulnerable to an arrogant person's total inability to relate to others and the sometimes noxious or cruel things that come out of their mouths.

4. Try to ignore the arrogance of the person you encounter. Instead, probe for something you can enjoy about your encounter. Perhaps they do have some knowledge to impart. Perhaps they can tell an interesting story. Perhaps it's just enjoyable to find humor in their arrogance.


5. Use the encounter as an opportunity to improve your listening skills or tolerance.

6. Try to ignore anything that they say or how they act, and they will probably stop bothering you eventually.

7. Be honest. If this isn't working and the arrogant person is still getting on your nerves, tell them that you think they are being arrogant and really tell them how you feel. Don't shout or swear or insult them more than is necessary, because then you will just look evil.

8. If possible, ignore the arrogant person completely (not just their behaviour).
* If you must acknowledge them, generally speaking, in a group setting you can get away with addressing the group as a whole rather than speaking to the arrogant person specifically: For example, instead of saying,"Hi there, Wendy," say, "Hi there, everyone." Also, don't ask, "How are you?" as this might evoke a rude response.

9. If you work with a consistently rude and arrogant person, whenever you see them coming, suddenly be incredibly busy. Pick up the phone and pretend to be having a conversation. If they are specifically wanting your attention, keep them waiting for as long as you can get away with it. Have a column of figures handy to be added up three times over. When you finally do acknowledge them, do so in a distracted, brisk, impersonal way whilst commencing yet another task. For example, say something like, 'Right, what can I do for you," as you pick up the telephone receiver. This technique often works very successfully because you are, in effect, "putting the arrogant person in their place." This is the opposite of what they want.


Tips

* Generally, arrogant people won't listen to what you have to say, so sometimes you just need to smile and nod, comfortable in being the more secure person.

* When someone is just driving you crazy with their arrogance, you might ask them, very politely, "May I ask how you became such an expert on this subject? Did you study? Did you learn this from having a bad experience? Is there anything you know nothing about that I might be able to help you with?"


Warnings

* Ignoring an arrogant person may be effective in getting them to leave you alone but recognize that arrogant people have a way of taking up the air in a room. So even though they're not talking to you, you may still find them annoying to be around.

* Try not to get into any type of debate with them, because they'll never hear your side of the story and if they do, they will continually tell you you're wrong. Often times, arrogant people will try to make you feel insecure and at fault. He/she will do this in an attempt to demonstrate control over the situation. If this happens to you, do not get mad at all, that's what they want from you. Instead consciously understand their belittling actions and see their intended conclusion from their perspective. Act wise and in control, but don't escalate the situation by responding in an angry or hostile manner.

Are You Doing What You Really Want To With Your Life?

Builders cling to a personal commitment that’s so compelling to them – something so important to them that they would actually do it for free – that they must do it despite popularity.

From this quote, I derive a simple test to know whether or not you are now doing what matters to you. Simply give honest answer to these two questions:

1. Will you keep doing what you do if you do it for free?
2. Will you keep doing what you do if it never becomes popular?

If your answers to both questions are yes, then you are doing what really matters to you. If you answer is yes to only one what of them, then you are doing something that somehow matters but it doesn’t really matter. If your answers to both questions are no … well, you can guess, right?

Now, some thoughts from me.

I believe many people would say no to the first question regarding their job. Many people doesn’t really like their job; they just do it for the money. Once the money factor is gone, there’s no reason to keep doing it. Considering this, no wonder many people do not have fulfilling life. I remember what Steve Jobs said:

Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do.

However, I think the second question is even harder than the first one. There are many people who are willing to do something for free as long as they get some sort of popularity. Open source movement comes to my mind as an example. The people writing open source software do programming for free so they certainly pass the first question. But many of them – consciously or unconsciously – look for reputation and approval for what they do. This is absolutely normal, of course. Everyone needs to be appreciated. But if someone does something that really matters, it will be so compelling that the urge to do it is even bigger than the need for appreciation.

Many famous painters fall into this category. They really loved what they did that they did it despite money and popularity. Many of their paintings become famous and expensive only after their death.

Doing something that somehow matters (passing one question) is not easy. But doing something that really matters is even much harder.

How to Stop Worrying

Worry does not empty tomorrow of sorrow – it empties today of strength.

Corrie ten Boom

You need to know how to stop worrying if you want to live life to the fullest. Why? Because worry doesn’t do you any good. It won’t help you live a better life. It won’t make you feel better and more energized. Instead, it will make you less happy and less productive.

But how can we do that? How can we stop worrying? How to stop worrying Here are eight ways:

1. Focus on what you can control

Thinking about things you can’t control puts unnecessary burden on your mind. For example, why should you worry about how bad the economy is? There’s nothing you can do about it unless you are a key person in the government. No matter how much you think about it, nothing will change. So instead of worrying about it, focus on things you can control like building your network and increasing your value. Don’t worry about things you can’t do anything about.

2. Use your imagination positively

Worry is a misuse of imagination.
Dan Zadra

Your imagination is a double-edged sword. You can use it to dream big dreams and keep your motivation high, but you can also use it to discourage yourself. People often worry about something because they fill their imagination with all the bad things that might happen. The reality is often not that bad, but it looks worse and worse because they give it too much attention.

3. Expect good things to happen

Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.
Benjamin Franklin

Not only should you use your imagination positively, but also you should expect good things to happen in your life. Instead of expecting something to fail, expect it to succeed. Instead of expecting people not to like you, expect them to like you. You should be realistic, of course, but always expect to be a winner in life.

4. Accept responsibility

You might make mistakes in the past and worry about the consequences. In this case, the solution is to accept responsibility. Don’t let your worry drag you down. Accept the responsibility and move on. You still have a lot of great things waiting for you.


5. Be grateful

It’s easy to focus on the few things that could go wrong that we forget about the many things that already go right. That’s why having an attitude of gratitude is important. It keeps your perspective in balance. It makes you realize that for one thing that goes wrong there are many more things that go right. Just start with these simple things to be grateful for.

6. Run your own race

Stop comparing yourself with other people. Comparing yourself with others will only drain your mental energy. You have your own race to run. Instead of comparing yourself with others, focus on being the best that you can be.

7. Simplify your life

The simpler your life is, the fewer things you could worry about. So instead of doing a lot of things, focus on the few things that are most fulfilling and give you the most return for your time and effort. Find your life purpose and use the 80/20 rule to choose the few important activities to focus on.

8. Have faith

You should focus on things you can control. But what about things you can’t control? What can we do to eliminate any worry about them? The answer here is faith. You need to believe that everything will go well no matter how bad it might seem. You need to believe that everything will come out better in the end. Having faith eliminates a lot of worries in your life. It gives you peace of mind.

How To Get Good Luck

Lately I have been playing online Zynga texas holdem poker on facebook, and I get really lucky so I have been wondering what gives us good luck in life this is what I came up with.

What do you think it takes to get good luck?  There are many opinions on this. One popular one is to prepare yourself so that you will be in the right position to capitalize on opportunities when they come. This is summarized in a Louis Pasteur’s quote that says “Fortune favors the prepared mind.”

 But there’s an interesting take on it that I found recently in The Creative Habit by Twyla Tharp. There the author gives a simple tip to get good luck: be generous. You should be generous if you want to be lucky. In other words, you should make other people feel lucky to be around you.

The more I think about it, the more it makes sense. Here are three reasons why:

1. The quality of the people around you reflects your quality
Twyla Tharp is a choreographer and this is what she writes: To be a great choreographer (or teacher), you have to invest everything you have in your dancer… Without that generosity, you’ll always hold something back. The finished work shows it, and your audience knows it.

2. People will reciprocate
Reciprocation is one of the weapons of influence described in Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion by Robert Cialdini. The law of reciprocation is wired into us. Whenever someone does something good for us, we feel obliged to give back to her. The more you are generous, the more people are willing to reciprocate and the more opportunities will come your way.

3. You will be known as a value provider
Not only will the people whom you help feel obliged to reciprocate, but they may also tell their friends about you. They may tell their friends about how much value they get from you. That will attract these friends to come to you. They may then tell their friends and it becomes viral. All these people attracted to you means more opportunities for you.

Here are two things you should do to apply this principle:

1. Increase your value
Before you can give to others, you need to have something you can give. You need to have something that make other people want to come to you. If you have nothing, how can people feel lucky to be around you? So work hard to increase your value. Build your expertise in the field you choose and expand your network. Coincidentally, it means that you are also preparing for opportunities. By wanting to be generous you build yourself a “prepared mind.”

2. Share without holding back
Now that you have something worth sharing, what you need to do is sharing it without holding back. It may take practice to do that, but over time you will feel more and more comfortable to share what you know. Again, the key here is not just to give but to be generous.

How To Utilize The Power Of Words

"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions, they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. watch your character; it becomes your destiny." — Frank Outlaw

 We use words all the time, we use them to convey our ideas to other people and influence them. Countless leaders used words to motivate people and to ultimately cause them to behave in a certain way. What we aren’t always aware of is that words are influencing us the moment we utter them.

Did you know that Eskimos have more then one word to describe snow? It is believed that snow plays a bigger part in their lives, they have more experiences regarding it and therefore more words to describe it. You can learn a lot just from listening to someone else talk. For example if he uses the word fear or anxiety a lot it means that it’s probably a big part of his experience.

We all know how changing our job title to something like manager can improve our feelings even if we do the same job and earn the same salary. The only thing changed was the name that gave us a feeling of importance. When we feel better we are likely to preform better.

Words created a lot of our beliefs and they can also reveal them. For instance if someone says “I’m that way because…” or “if you go out without a coat you’ll catch a cold” they’re expressing their beliefs. Lets do a little experiment, say the word fear for 30 seconds. How do you feel? Are you afraid? To cancel the negative effect say the word love for a minute.

This exercise shows us that by changing our words we can instantly change how we feel and thus change how we act. I want to clarify that words just like emotions are an energy form they aren’t good or bad, However some words will assist you to achieve what you desire and others won’t.

Different people use different words to describe the same situations and therefore they experience different emotions which causes them to act differently. What changed wasn’t the event but rather the words they used.

When we use a certain word it becomes our experience even if it wasn’t at the beginning. We categorize our emotions to ease our thinking process, However by doing so we force the category on the emotion. For example if you felt uncomfortable and you called it fear it will become fear.

One of the reasons that people become similar to their friends and people that they spend a lot of time with is because they begin to use their friends words. Moreover If you don’t have a way of representing something then you can’t experience it. In some native American cultures there isn’t a word for lying, The concept simply doesn’t exist. As a result they never lie.
Words to use

In order to change our lives we need to know what words to use instead of the “negative” ones. In addition just like some of the native Americans we need to completely omit certain words from our vocabulary.

Instead of I hate something use I prefer something else. Instead of I fear something use I feel uncomfortable or excited when this happens. Instead of saying I’m angry say I’m slightly bothered. When someone asks you how do you feel or how do you do instead of saying OK you can say excellent or wonderful, That will surely change how you feel.

Instead of saying it stinks say it’s a little smelly. Instead of disappointment use delay. Instead of lonely use available. Instead of failure say feedback or learning. Instead of depression say not really at my peak.

These are just some of the examples you can use. Make it a game, play with it and try to come up with funny and positive alternatives. It will help you moderate your negative feelings and increase the positive. This doesn’t mean that you will never feel anger or fear, these emotions are useful in certain situations. It means that anger and fear won’t be your first choice.