Are You Doing What You Really Want To With Your Life?

Builders cling to a personal commitment that’s so compelling to them – something so important to them that they would actually do it for free – that they must do it despite popularity.

From this quote, I derive a simple test to know whether or not you are now doing what matters to you. Simply give honest answer to these two questions:

1. Will you keep doing what you do if you do it for free?
2. Will you keep doing what you do if it never becomes popular?

If your answers to both questions are yes, then you are doing what really matters to you. If you answer is yes to only one what of them, then you are doing something that somehow matters but it doesn’t really matter. If your answers to both questions are no … well, you can guess, right?

Now, some thoughts from me.

I believe many people would say no to the first question regarding their job. Many people doesn’t really like their job; they just do it for the money. Once the money factor is gone, there’s no reason to keep doing it. Considering this, no wonder many people do not have fulfilling life. I remember what Steve Jobs said:

Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do.

However, I think the second question is even harder than the first one. There are many people who are willing to do something for free as long as they get some sort of popularity. Open source movement comes to my mind as an example. The people writing open source software do programming for free so they certainly pass the first question. But many of them – consciously or unconsciously – look for reputation and approval for what they do. This is absolutely normal, of course. Everyone needs to be appreciated. But if someone does something that really matters, it will be so compelling that the urge to do it is even bigger than the need for appreciation.

Many famous painters fall into this category. They really loved what they did that they did it despite money and popularity. Many of their paintings become famous and expensive only after their death.

Doing something that somehow matters (passing one question) is not easy. But doing something that really matters is even much harder.

How to Stop Worrying

Worry does not empty tomorrow of sorrow – it empties today of strength.

Corrie ten Boom

You need to know how to stop worrying if you want to live life to the fullest. Why? Because worry doesn’t do you any good. It won’t help you live a better life. It won’t make you feel better and more energized. Instead, it will make you less happy and less productive.

But how can we do that? How can we stop worrying? How to stop worrying Here are eight ways:

1. Focus on what you can control

Thinking about things you can’t control puts unnecessary burden on your mind. For example, why should you worry about how bad the economy is? There’s nothing you can do about it unless you are a key person in the government. No matter how much you think about it, nothing will change. So instead of worrying about it, focus on things you can control like building your network and increasing your value. Don’t worry about things you can’t do anything about.

2. Use your imagination positively

Worry is a misuse of imagination.
Dan Zadra

Your imagination is a double-edged sword. You can use it to dream big dreams and keep your motivation high, but you can also use it to discourage yourself. People often worry about something because they fill their imagination with all the bad things that might happen. The reality is often not that bad, but it looks worse and worse because they give it too much attention.

3. Expect good things to happen

Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.
Benjamin Franklin

Not only should you use your imagination positively, but also you should expect good things to happen in your life. Instead of expecting something to fail, expect it to succeed. Instead of expecting people not to like you, expect them to like you. You should be realistic, of course, but always expect to be a winner in life.

4. Accept responsibility

You might make mistakes in the past and worry about the consequences. In this case, the solution is to accept responsibility. Don’t let your worry drag you down. Accept the responsibility and move on. You still have a lot of great things waiting for you.


5. Be grateful

It’s easy to focus on the few things that could go wrong that we forget about the many things that already go right. That’s why having an attitude of gratitude is important. It keeps your perspective in balance. It makes you realize that for one thing that goes wrong there are many more things that go right. Just start with these simple things to be grateful for.

6. Run your own race

Stop comparing yourself with other people. Comparing yourself with others will only drain your mental energy. You have your own race to run. Instead of comparing yourself with others, focus on being the best that you can be.

7. Simplify your life

The simpler your life is, the fewer things you could worry about. So instead of doing a lot of things, focus on the few things that are most fulfilling and give you the most return for your time and effort. Find your life purpose and use the 80/20 rule to choose the few important activities to focus on.

8. Have faith

You should focus on things you can control. But what about things you can’t control? What can we do to eliminate any worry about them? The answer here is faith. You need to believe that everything will go well no matter how bad it might seem. You need to believe that everything will come out better in the end. Having faith eliminates a lot of worries in your life. It gives you peace of mind.

How To Get Good Luck

Lately I have been playing online Zynga texas holdem poker on facebook, and I get really lucky so I have been wondering what gives us good luck in life this is what I came up with.

What do you think it takes to get good luck?  There are many opinions on this. One popular one is to prepare yourself so that you will be in the right position to capitalize on opportunities when they come. This is summarized in a Louis Pasteur’s quote that says “Fortune favors the prepared mind.”

 But there’s an interesting take on it that I found recently in The Creative Habit by Twyla Tharp. There the author gives a simple tip to get good luck: be generous. You should be generous if you want to be lucky. In other words, you should make other people feel lucky to be around you.

The more I think about it, the more it makes sense. Here are three reasons why:

1. The quality of the people around you reflects your quality
Twyla Tharp is a choreographer and this is what she writes: To be a great choreographer (or teacher), you have to invest everything you have in your dancer… Without that generosity, you’ll always hold something back. The finished work shows it, and your audience knows it.

2. People will reciprocate
Reciprocation is one of the weapons of influence described in Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion by Robert Cialdini. The law of reciprocation is wired into us. Whenever someone does something good for us, we feel obliged to give back to her. The more you are generous, the more people are willing to reciprocate and the more opportunities will come your way.

3. You will be known as a value provider
Not only will the people whom you help feel obliged to reciprocate, but they may also tell their friends about you. They may tell their friends about how much value they get from you. That will attract these friends to come to you. They may then tell their friends and it becomes viral. All these people attracted to you means more opportunities for you.

Here are two things you should do to apply this principle:

1. Increase your value
Before you can give to others, you need to have something you can give. You need to have something that make other people want to come to you. If you have nothing, how can people feel lucky to be around you? So work hard to increase your value. Build your expertise in the field you choose and expand your network. Coincidentally, it means that you are also preparing for opportunities. By wanting to be generous you build yourself a “prepared mind.”

2. Share without holding back
Now that you have something worth sharing, what you need to do is sharing it without holding back. It may take practice to do that, but over time you will feel more and more comfortable to share what you know. Again, the key here is not just to give but to be generous.

How To Utilize The Power Of Words

"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions, they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. watch your character; it becomes your destiny." — Frank Outlaw

 We use words all the time, we use them to convey our ideas to other people and influence them. Countless leaders used words to motivate people and to ultimately cause them to behave in a certain way. What we aren’t always aware of is that words are influencing us the moment we utter them.

Did you know that Eskimos have more then one word to describe snow? It is believed that snow plays a bigger part in their lives, they have more experiences regarding it and therefore more words to describe it. You can learn a lot just from listening to someone else talk. For example if he uses the word fear or anxiety a lot it means that it’s probably a big part of his experience.

We all know how changing our job title to something like manager can improve our feelings even if we do the same job and earn the same salary. The only thing changed was the name that gave us a feeling of importance. When we feel better we are likely to preform better.

Words created a lot of our beliefs and they can also reveal them. For instance if someone says “I’m that way because…” or “if you go out without a coat you’ll catch a cold” they’re expressing their beliefs. Lets do a little experiment, say the word fear for 30 seconds. How do you feel? Are you afraid? To cancel the negative effect say the word love for a minute.

This exercise shows us that by changing our words we can instantly change how we feel and thus change how we act. I want to clarify that words just like emotions are an energy form they aren’t good or bad, However some words will assist you to achieve what you desire and others won’t.

Different people use different words to describe the same situations and therefore they experience different emotions which causes them to act differently. What changed wasn’t the event but rather the words they used.

When we use a certain word it becomes our experience even if it wasn’t at the beginning. We categorize our emotions to ease our thinking process, However by doing so we force the category on the emotion. For example if you felt uncomfortable and you called it fear it will become fear.

One of the reasons that people become similar to their friends and people that they spend a lot of time with is because they begin to use their friends words. Moreover If you don’t have a way of representing something then you can’t experience it. In some native American cultures there isn’t a word for lying, The concept simply doesn’t exist. As a result they never lie.
Words to use

In order to change our lives we need to know what words to use instead of the “negative” ones. In addition just like some of the native Americans we need to completely omit certain words from our vocabulary.

Instead of I hate something use I prefer something else. Instead of I fear something use I feel uncomfortable or excited when this happens. Instead of saying I’m angry say I’m slightly bothered. When someone asks you how do you feel or how do you do instead of saying OK you can say excellent or wonderful, That will surely change how you feel.

Instead of saying it stinks say it’s a little smelly. Instead of disappointment use delay. Instead of lonely use available. Instead of failure say feedback or learning. Instead of depression say not really at my peak.

These are just some of the examples you can use. Make it a game, play with it and try to come up with funny and positive alternatives. It will help you moderate your negative feelings and increase the positive. This doesn’t mean that you will never feel anger or fear, these emotions are useful in certain situations. It means that anger and fear won’t be your first choice.